Who Taught My Kids How To Lie?

As most new parents quickly discover the act of telling a lie is not learned. You don't have to teach your children to cover up their tracks. You don't have to teach them to blame someone else. It just comes naturally.

Yesterday, while we were on our way home from church my youngest son who is nearly 5 years old told me that his sister had stolen a cookie that had been given to him in his sunday school class. When I pressed the two children I discovered that the entire story was a lie. In truth, he had dropped his cookie on the floor--it crumbled and so he picked up the pieces and threw them away. But he blamed his sister so that he could get another cookie. He finally admitted that if we thought it was stolen then we would replace it. But, if we found out that he had dropped it then we would not be so sympathetic.

So, I put this question to you dear reader--who taught him to lie? Is this a learned experience? I'm here to testify it is not. Having seen all three of my children progress through various phases of lying, cheating, and stealing I'm convinced these are innate behaviors--instilled at birth. These behaviors are rooted in self preservation and protection. The mind is increasingly capable with age of conjouring ever more complex tales in order to protect and preserve itself.

Don't be surprised when your children start spinning tales of their own. Lying, stealing and cheating are part of every normal child's development. Children may also lie to avoid being punished or because they are imitating adult behavior.

This doesn't mean that you should allow or ignore this type of behavior. Instead, use these opportunities to begin to teach your child the difference between right and wrong. As a parent it's important to encourage your child when they tell the truth and avoid punishing your child too severely when they lie a first and then finally confess for any misdeeds. A reward or a positive response like, "thank you for telling me the truth" Is much more likely to elicit the same behavior in the future. But in the short term do not be surprised when your children either stretch or outright conjour up tales that simply do not exist or deny what you saw with your own two eyes.