Yesterday I went to a friends house after church to help unload a trailer full of items they had recently acquired. As it turned out I took my daughter with me so that my wife could have a little time to herself with no distractions. Our boys were playing at our next door neighbors.
When we arrived at my friends house the lady who we were helping gave my daughter a "Magic Hair Bead Set" which of course made her feel very special and she was very thankful. Once we had finished moving all of the items from the trailer into the house we headed home. The bead set was all she could talk about all the way home. Once we arrived at home my youngest son, Luke (6), saw the bead set that Meg had and asked, "What do you have Meg?" Meg showed Luke the bead set. She told him it was a gift--which was true. Luke immediately responded crying and complaining, "That's not fair! I didn't get anything."
FREEZE!
At this point what would you tell your child? I wanted him to know that his complaint was an accurate assessment of the facts. Life is not fair. But, is that what you would have done? Think of the repercussions of making life "fair" for your kids. How long will you have that kind of control in their lives? Even if you could control "fairness" in their life what value is it to them?
UNFREEZE
I told Luke that the gift that Meg received was just that--"a gift." A gift that was freely given. I told him that my friend may give him a gift or she may not. But what was important to me that I wanted Luke to understand is that "life isn't fair" and that's probably among the top ten most most important lessons I will ever teach him.
What do you think? How would you have handled this situation? Leave me your comments.
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3 comments:
As the father of a 2 month old, I am just now exploring all the websites that are out there. Heard about Fatherville from the Daddycast, and then foiund my way hear. you have spent a considerable amount of time, and I want to say Thank you. As far as what I would do, I can only say what I hope that I will do, and it is exactly what you did, what are you other options? Go buy him something? That doesn't teach him much in the way of life, afterall sometimes you are the dog, and sometimes your the hydrant. Keep up the good work!
You're correct. you've got to teach them that life's not fair, because, afterall, it's not.
Otherwide kids becoming spoiled kids, and they become spoiled adults.
Michael. Nice post. Ties in well with what I read here (http://www.pkmeco.com/familyblog/2007/06/mean-girls.html) and what I wrote here (http://paternallife.blogspot.com/2007/06/reacting-to-meanness.html). Thanks for your blog. I really enjoy reading it ... although I am new to the dad-bloggers world.
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